Til Death: Reanimated

you're bluffing.

N-no, the Droll sputters out mindlessly. He's got a Jack and a 2! That's good, right?

did you just tell me your hand

The Droll folds.

️ You light another cigarette. Raise.

Flint looks at the Dignitary. They know how to read even the most emotionless of faces.

5:41 PM

Shit, Flint thinks. He's not bluffing.

5:41 PM

fold.

️ No sooner than the moment you rake in the chips do you hear the door burst open.

droll's out

5:43 PM

looks like it's just me and you, dignitary

️ Not surprising, you say. The Brute and the Droll were never the best players.

Flint doesn't pay attention to the door bursting open.

5:45 PM

damn right

5:45 PM

brute, deal

️ You oblige. You shuffle the deck with surprising dexterity before sliding two cards to each player.

You have been standing at the door for the past thirty seconds. It would seem your dramatic entrance was a failure.

5:47 PM

Alright, kid, you say. Last hand, then they're going back to their cell.

sure

5:48 PM

if dignitary here wins, you get to take me back to my cell

5:48 PM

i won't even fight

5:48 PM

if i win, i'm your new captain

No deal, you say. You don't know if they've heard, but you're the new ruler of Derse. You're not giving that title up to anyone, "lord" or else.

far as i know, the black king's still in charge

He's too busy on the Battlefield, you say. If he wanted to check on Derse, he'd have to abandon his soldiers, and he's too committed to do that.

// there's no battlefield

5:53 PM

// since skaia is dead

((whoops. ignore that

You're well aware, you say. But since Skaia is inert, so too is the king's scepter, and your crew are more than a match for that royal pain without his upgrades. He can't do a damn thing.

he still commands an entire army, if you've forgotten

5:57 PM

and as far as i know, you don't have the ring, so you can't do shit to him either

You know about the army, shitforbrains. But they only have so many soldiers stationed at the castle, and you know the ins and outs of it better than anyone else. The ring doesn't matter, you say. Without his scepter, he bleeds just as much as anybody else.

aaand done recording!

6:01 PM

Flint taps his phone.

6:01 PM

i'm sure the black king would love if i sent this to him right now

6:01 PM

he'd be upon you all in seconds

6:01 PM

look at you all, unprepared, drunk

6:02 PM

i wonder how it'd go

...You tell them they make a very convincing point.

all i want is a clean game

6:03 PM

so let's play one

You nod to the Dignitary, who's been mulling over his hand for a while now.

Flint grins.

6:05 PM

He drops a five into the center of the game.

️ Might as well, you think. All in.

wow, you sure?

️ You look at the kid with absolutely zero expression on your face. All in, you say.

You have got to be fucking kidding you.

sure, i'll call.

6:11 PM

Flint pushes all their chips in.

6:11 PM

dealer, reveal 'em

️ You flip over the cards. A five of clubs, a three of clubs, a queen of spades, a four of diamonds, and a jack of spades.

6:13 PM

️ You reveal your hand. A four of clubs and a two of hearts.

Flint reveals their hand. A seven of clubs and a seven of diamonds.

6:15 PM

pair of sevens.

6:15 PM

i win.

Shit.

Flint rakes in his loot.

6:19 PM

HAHAHA

6:19 PM

man i cannot BELIEVE you guys fell for that

6:19 PM

damn thank god i won

️ You look to Jack. You ask him if you should "rig the game," so to speak. He looks at you for a moment, but decides that he likes the cut of their jib. Fine, he says. They won fair and square. (edited)

Flint has fallen silent.

9:10 PM

Tears hit the table.

9:10 PM

holy shit

There, there, you blubbering goddamn pansy. You offer the kid a handshake.

christ give me a second

9:21 PM

my brother's best friend just fuckin' died

You have no idea how this kid could have possibly learned something like that just now, but you decide to stay quiet about it. Best to avoid burning a bridge just after you've built it.

OH FUCK

9:24 PM

GOD DAMN I THINK MY BROTHER JUST RESURRECTED HIM

oh long story

9:28 PM

so my brother got injected with DNA from the green sun

9:29 PM

and now he's super powerful

9:29 PM

he's the real Lord actually

9:29 PM

basically i'm an alien who possessed his dream body

9:29 PM

and i'm in charge of you all now

9:29 PM

so fun right

002: Realize how totally bullshit that sounds.

9:29 PM

Though it's completely true.

Erm no

You have no idea what any of that means, but you keep a straight face.

ooh ok so long story short my friend's brother kinda killed himself out of guilt because he killed his parents

7:53 AM

which isn't a big deal i think they were dickheads

You inform the kid you don't know what a "parence" is, nor do you really care. You ask your new boss what the plan is from here.

well obviously we have to put the dersite economy in a stranglehold

10:41 AM

then we've got them all under our control and we can stand a chance against the dersite army

10:42 AM

oh we could intentionally cause prices to go up by stealing shit and then when inflation has reached an all-time high we go to the town square and stage a proletariat revolution

10:42 AM

and then we make a communist dictatorship

Works for you, you say. You order your subordinagents to start casing various joints.

does prospit exist

10:44 AM

i haven't seen it around so i just don't know

Yes, you tell them, Prospit does exist.

ok because skaia is supposed to be alive so i wasn't sure how much has changed exactly

10:47 AM

anyway then when we own derse we infiltrate prospit

10:47 AM

which isn't too hard when you've got me

10:47 AM

i can possess people

Why don't you just possess the black king, you ask them.

he's got enough mental fortitude that i can't

10:49 AM

he's meant to counter any ability that the main guys have just by existing

10:49 AM

most of you could probably resist it but

10:49 AM

well

Flint looks at the Courtyard Droll.

10:49 AM

Their eyes glaze over.

️ Hurr durr, you say. You say you're DEFINITELY the Courtyard Droll and not the Lord possessing them. You give yourself a slap in the face for good measure.

Flint's eyes stop glazing over.

10:50 AM

like that

You inform the kid that if they ever even think about doing that to the Droll again, no blackmail in the Incipisphere would stop you from gouging out their eyeballs.

whaaaat

10:53 AM

rude

10:53 AM

'sides i barely touched him

You don't care, you say. Do that again and you're dead.

002: Feel like you're being watched.

4:36 PM

// @demeter!!

damn bitch can't keep your eyes off me for a second huh

4:36 PM

is it AM this time? the voice? someone new?

You politely ask your new comrade what the fuck they are talking about.

don't worry about it i'm being watched

4:38 PM

there are like a ton of people that keep watching me

4:38 PM

there's the agogsent maveness

4:38 PM

the Voice, simple title i know

4:38 PM

and maybe even that weird religious guy

You ask if they're fucking kidding you. With the amount of seditious shit you've said somebody could get all of you exiled.

Something is closing in on 002's location.

4:41 PM

A faint bright light grows stronger and stronger...

You get the feeling it would be prudent to hit the fucking deck.

You ask if they're fucking kidding you. With the amount of seditious shit you've said somebody could get all of you exiled.

@Jack Noir (@spades gameing) - jump relaaax

4:43 PM

black king can't watch me

4:44 PM

you keep your office nice and locked and that's the only remaining fourth wall around

4:46 PM

wait

4:46 PM

oh shit here he comes

LAND.

Who the fuck are you, you ask.

Michael has crashed through the ceiling of the casino.

oh this guy

4:56 PM

MY MAN

4:56 PM

what's up dude

4:56 PM

dab me up

You step towards the "LAST HOPE".

4:56 PM

It seems he is still afflicted.

(( middle-aged mobster gets caught up in JRPG Plotline

You grab the LAST HOPE(?) by the shirt.

5:10 PM

LEAVE THIS body.

No

️ You decide to give the new guy a Derse welcome. Which is to say you smash a chair over his head.

GAH.

5:19 PM

You drop the body, turning around and unleashing ANGEL'S HEAVEN on the alien.

@DreamilyDrifting

Result: 1d20 (9) + 5 Total: 14

Flint grabs Michael by the arm and flies upward.

️ The HEGEMONIC BRUTE rolls 2d6 for defense. Since he ALWAYS ROLLS BOXCARS, that's a twelve. He takes marginal damage.

Jack's radio fires up.

11:27 AM

"hey man we're gonna be busy for a while start the plan"

You got it, boss, you begrudgingly reply. You tell your SUBORDINAGENTS to get to work robbing every place of business they can.

You, too, get to work stealing, but have a much larger target in mind. You return to your office.

️ You are now the COURTYARD DROLL. You have infiltrated a COMMERCIAL BUILDING, the nature of which you DO NOT REMEMBER. What will you do?

Fuck shit up.

Fuck shit down.

️ You destroy all of the objects in the room through judicious use of your CROOK OF FELONY, which is the name you have just given this table leg you just picked up.

A while later, you and your GANG meet up at your HIDEOUT. You have amassed a large amount of ill-gotten gains. You think it prudent to inform your new boss. You pull out your RADIO.

3:52 PM

hey boss operation who gives a shit is proceeding smoothly weve got a fuckton of money here probably ready to move on to phase two

(hold on repeat that)

i said we have acquired the requested funding you fucking idiot

(fuck you i wasn't listening there's a problem over here)

then fix it moron

(shut up you [HOMOPHOBIC SLUR THAT THEY CAN RECLAIM OMITTED])

god you are fucking insufferable

(okay anyway we're not looking for the money we're looking for a chokehold on the economy)

3:57 PM

(what we need is to put the derse economy in a stranglehold and then blame the king for the inflation)

3:57 PM

(then we lead a revolution)

3:58 PM

(hold on me and flint will carry her)

yeah i know that shitforbrains you told us to steal shit and we stole there isnt a single fucking store on this stupid moon that hasnt been hit at this point

(i don't think teleporting her's the best idea since she's not... y'know, in one piece)

what the fuck are you talking about

(i'm leading two conversations here buddy)

then tell those other assholes youre busy

(okay so now we start our own business with the stolen goods and form a fuckin monopoly)

you got it boss

(HOLD ON)

4:00 PM

(not you sorry yeah we're good)

4:00 PM

(okay see you soon)

You put away the radio. You and your gang elect to build the most lucrative business possible: a casino. The one place where morons will pay you to take more money from them.

No, that's fucking stupid. Build a fine dining restaurant instead, and snuff out all other food establishments.

You tell the disembodied voice you like the way it thinks. Casinos are kind of cliche.

Best of both worlds: build a casino with an in-house bar.

No, no. Build a fine dining restaurant with a built in casino.

This bar is a full ass restaurant.

Build fucking everything by being a construction company.

You decide to do the dumbest possible compromise and create a casino-themed restaurant.

HAHAHAHAH

HELL. FUCKING. YES.

You and your gang get to work on making the DEALER'S CHOICE BAR AND GRILL. With this theming and menu, you are essentially guaranteed to make money. Abusing your secretarial position in the government will probably help too.

Through the magic of it not being narrated, your new RESTAURANT is open for business. Now all you have to do is drive all these other suckers out of business. And by that you mean the other guys, because you have other shit you have to do.

Seconds in the future, but not many... The DEALER'S CHOICE BAR AND GRILL has become the premier eatery on DERSE. No other restaurant can even come close. You essentially have a monopoly on the restaurant industry.

By this point, your restaurant is to Derse as Disney is to the United States (not that you know what a Disney is or who Mr. States is). You think now might be a good time to work on your "side hustle". You call PS and inform him that you know of a terrible secret that could very well destroy society as you know it. You ask him to meet you secretly in person to discuss it. He sends you the coordinates to an uninhabited island on Earth. You board a shuttle and head over.

You return. The RING is now in your possession. You take care to keep it a secret. No point in using it right now.

Well, might as well radio the BOSS, you think. alright kid weve got a stranglehold on the economy are you ready to proceed to the next phase of the plan

is this thing broken or are you fucking deaf

(( @demeter!!

(shes probably asleep

(( oh. yeah probably

Lousy goddamn stupid radio reception. Damn thing must be broken, you grumble to nobody in particular.

Since it would appear your direct line of communication with the boss is shot, you elect to locate them via FENESTRATED WALL.

From what you can tell, the BOSS is currently taking a goddamn map on the stone floor of some ancient frog-themed temple on Earth. You would be shocked and appalled by this flagrant display of an amphibian, but honestly you don't give a shit. You board a shuttle and head Earthward.