It’s been a few days since correspondence with Cece, which is usual because you haven’t needed anything from them. You’ve been doing your best to keep up your routine during the military ramp-up.

Into your open window, a small drone carrying an envelope enters your window.

You pluck the envelope from it, it’s addressed to you, from Cece. This is almost absolutely an illegal way to send mail, but it has proper postage anyways.

The contents of the envelope are as follows:

4 Captchalogue cards containing unknown machinery, a short instructional manual for the machines, and a handwritten note.

The note reads:

The text on the instructions for the machines is almost too small to read, but you think you understand.

It’s a flail you can play vinyls on, just be careful.

MELON COLLIE AND THE INFINITE SADNESS VINYL || RECORD SMASH = GOURDCRUSHER This is so cool you don’t even care that melons aren’t gourds. You’re so glad you bought an expensive-ass record because of the one super popular song on it.

GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL VINYL && RECORD SMASH = DO SPILL BLOOD Who makes the rules? This dude here What is the law? This shit rules

A really great beginner weapon to bring some enemies to the house of pain.

URANIUM GLASS PLATE && EVIL EYE NECKLACE = HEIRLOOM SPIROGRAPH PENDANT

This doesn’t seem like a thing you’ll need. Better to give it as a gift to some nerd to teach him how to be cool (more like you).

ANTIQUE SAXOPHONE || DRESS SHIRT = OLD SCHOOL BLUES

A nice, crisp blue zoot suit. Not exactly your style but fetching nonetheless.

You think you’ve got the hang of it.

LAPTOP && CRT TV = iMAC The classic “old computer.” Wonder if you can go further back. iMAC && 35MM FILM = ENIAC MACHINE If you were to actually alchemize this, it would take up your whole house. Better to just use the code for things. LAPTOP || READING GLASSES = LIBRARIANS HOLOINDEX They’re glasses with a screen. Not much more useful than that. LAPTOP && ENIAC MACHINE = INDUSTRIAL SERVER You don’t know why you would need this heavy-duty of tech. ENIAC MACHINE || DRESS SHIRT = GRACE OF HOPPER For womenswear from the 40s, this looks surprisingly good on you. You dig it. GRACE OF HOPPER || FLAIL = PROBLEM SOLVER TYPEWRITER || PROBLEM SOLVER = CODEBREAKER INDUSTRIAL SERVER || CODEBREAKER = ENIGMA’S BANE This thing is basically a supercomputer that you can hit people with, and it’s bluetooth. Alan Turing Who?

Maybe you could do something with your jewelry…

ENIAC MACHINE || UROBUROS RING = MOTH RING

Interesting. A moth got into one of those first computers and became the first computer bug. Maybe it’s because the Uroburos feeds into itself, it isn’t Turing complete. These two things are opposites, so it compromised with a physical error message.

URANIUM GLASS && LIBRARIANS HOLOINDEX = RAD SPECS Improved processor power + Bonus x-ray vision. Looks a little stupid on you. VANITY MIRROR || RAD SPECS = ETHER SPECTACLES Classy wood grain frames, these are more your style. URANIUM GLASS || CRUCIFIX NECKLACE = MUTANT CROSS NECKLACE FLAIL && MUTANT CROSS NECKLACE = QUANTIFEX’S ANOINTER PLANETOID RINGS && MUTANT CROSS NECKLACE = ENTANGLED OBSERVER Looks like the alchemiter gets funky when made to create actual alchemical symbols. This is a both a crystalline octopus statuette and a spider nightlight at the same time. URANIUM GLASS !& PLANETOID RINGS = SEVEN METALS 7 marbles made out of the materials that symbolize the classical celestial bodies, with the exception of Uranus. DRESS SHIRT || MUTANT CROSS NECKLACE = BUCKINGHAM GREENS A gray flannel with green buttons. These sweet lead threads protect you from the radiation it emits. VINTAGE ZIPPO LIGHTER && RECORD SMASHER = BURNING DOWN THE HOUSE / BUILDING ON FIRE / REMAINS ALIGHT This flail is on fire, that’s its gimmick. The head of it talks to you.

RAD SPECS || JEANS AND TEE= NUCLEAR WINTER CASUAL Black jeans & T-Shirt interwoven with some sort of metal. Very good insulator for heat, electricity, and radiation. OLD SCHOOL BLUES || SWEATER = INNER CITY CHIC Slick blue long sleeve shirt.

You change into your new duds.

MUSIC BOX MODUS && WALLET CHAIN = DOUBLETIME MODUS Effectively a wallet modus that ejects things faster, but it’s got a cool chain. WALLET CHAIN || SNEAKERS = HARDCORE MONEYMAKERS Blue suede sneakers with gold chains instead of laces. WALLET CHAIN || FLAIL = BANK BREAKER URANIUM GLASS && POTTED PLANT = OVERGROWN ROSES URANIUM GLASS && ENIGMA’S BANE = PROBABLE DEMISE You like to think that after being hit by this, an opponent is either dead or alive. Really, it just has a 50% chance to hit. SATURN RING && OVERGROWN ROSES = DEVOURER’S STOMATA It’s a thorny crown made of lead. It’s pointy and hurts to wear, but you feel like a king. MUSIC BOX && WIRE JEWELRY = FRAY-AWAY CAGE It’s a wire cage meant to dispel “fraymotifs,” whatever those are. You put it away, you doubt you’ll be needing it.

MOTH RING && VINTAGE LIGHTER = GET ALIGHT It’s a lighter with wings. This piece of shit flies away.

URANIUM GLASS || GET ALIGHT = GREEK FLIER The same thing but the wings are green fire.

GREEK FLIER && HARDCORE MONEYMAKERS = THE APOLLO 7S Sick ass green fire rocket shoes.

You’re really glad you got one of the earlier editions of Apollos. The Apollo 11s and onwards launches tended to crash and burn

BLACK TEE || APOLLO 7S = HADESFIRE HIGHTOPS.

Unleash 9 settings of underworldy propulsion power from the heels of these bad boys.

iMAC || INNER CITY CHIC = LEAD-WHITE TURTLENECK

You swap out the inner city chic for this new shirt. You get the feeling that a certain late Fontano wouldn’t be a fan of it, if you knew who that was.

Here you are. Chilling in France.

What a nice, relaxing day.

You look out the window.

One of the many windows in your sunroom, in fact.

You reel the curtains back, and find...

He floats in casually. The room gets colder... and the walls freeze over quickly. Your body gets colder in his presence, and you see your breath fog in the room.

His skin is a pale blue. His shades contrast with his outfit of white and faded teals. He looks like a weird, Jack Frost-twist on Peter Pan.

HADESFIRE HIGHTOPS || ANTIQUE VANITY = ANCIENT HELLFIREPLACE You set up the fireplace. The room gets warmer and... more humid?

The man stares into the fireplace for a moment. His expression is unreadable, but he emits a slight unrecognizable aura of emotion.

He looks back at you. His shades flicker in the light of the fire.

Me when the novice necromancer hits me with that dollar store frost spell

He does not avert his gaze from you, but his tone indicates a focus shift of sorts.

He laughs, but his face does not emote. It looks creepy, like a neutral-faced puppet giving a slight unhinge just in its jaw as it hangs limply in place, chuckling at its audience. Do you count as an audience? Eh, who knows.

His hand barely lifts, and the windows and doors all are blocked with hundreds of thick spikes and rods guarding them. The main exit door is torn asunder by ice tearing through it and barricading it. The fireplace snuffs. He floats slightly closer towards you.

Icicles and long spines of ice and frost stab in from the walls and from the edges of the room through the ground, creating a deadly cold barrier.

He floats limply still, but his aura changes to a curious one.

The ice spikes embedded everywhere in the walls, in the doors, in the windows, and the floor all begin to slowly melt and crack apart.

As you talk, you're fiddling with your alchemy equipment.

He thinks for a moment.

You alchemize that code Cece gave you. Some kind of TRANSPORTALIZER. Bet you can do other things with this.

The man finally averts his gaze from you. He looks down at the ice crystalizing into spikes slowly beneath him, creeping up from under him to reach him.

The ice melts slightly.

TRANSPORTALIZER || WALLET CHAIN = PENNY PINCHER Automatically teleports dropped loot into your sylladex or wallet or any whatever else. Nice

URANIUM GLASS || LAPTOP = iM IN Classic hacker laptop. Breaking into highly secured vaults and such. Sick nasty.

The man hovers backwards in a perfect clockwise curve 45 degrees, and grounds himself. The ice begins to slowly dissipate...

He looks towards you. And he smiles.

He reaches down, and casually splits open his lower leg with a long, razor-sharp shard of ice that cuts cleanly through his frozen skin, muscle, and tissue. He pries the bone out of it. Though he does not bleed, as the frozen blood coagulates to quickly take the bone's place and repair the wound.

You got the DOUCHE OF ICE'S BONE.

He shows his arm to you. By the elbow, it looks haphazardly frozen to itself. The middle segment is heavily frostbitten and decayed.

He smirks as he chuckles playfully, and floats back toward the window.

You toss him a lighter with a stupid looking pair of wings.

He catches it. And looks it over.

Todd obtained the GET ALIGHT

And he flies off.

And now you need to go back to work like nothing happened.

What a world.

INDUSTRIAL SERVER || iMIN = QUANTUMTOP QUANTUMTOP && UROBUROS RING = DOUBLEDEATH SIMULATOR This is seriously heavy duty shit. This thing can simulate two universes at once.

With the upgrades to the alchemiter that are literally too boring to mention, you print out your alchemiter's creation history.

You decide to load the Doubledeath Simulator right into the alchemiter. You print the history again.

It's like christmas up in here.

REAL CAIRO OVERCOAT || LEAD-WHITE TURTLENECK = ÉTAPLES UNDERSHIRT Crisp-ass mustard yellow dress shirt. Damn straight.

You copy over the first universe to a hard drive. Let's try some alchemy with this.

ALT-DRIVE || ANTIQUE VANITY = OTHERSIDE MIRROR Shows a view of some bizarro version of your house. Lots of laboratory equipment.

TRANSPORTALIZER || ANTIQUE VANITY = MAGIC MIRROR. Teleport home. Nice and easy.

Now let's try this.

This is eerie. It's covered in looping vines and skulls. The mirror shows into a cratered wasteland, massive jungle trees toppled and split and burned. You try to press your hand through, but it doesn't pass through.

Makes the....

It's a pistol. Probably really strong but you can't use it.

URANIUM GLASS && WALLET CHAIN = RAD GEAR Just a collection of sick as fuck chain accessories.

RAD GEAR && OLD SCHOOL BLUES = HAZMAT ZOOT This is an interesting one. It's a hazmat suit in some sort of fusion of 40s fashion and modern punk style.

You decide to ANNOUNCE to the gateway that it's there. You start bellowing into your trumpet.

This honking is getting tiring.

TRUMPET && UROBUROS NECKLACE = SELF-TOOTING HORN Now you don't need to do this yourself.

SELF-TOOTING HORN && MOTH RING = IMITATION GOOSE A flying, honking nuisance. Perfect.

Eventually, you get used to the sound of the horn.

You load all of the basic alchemy equipment into the jumper blocks, centralizing all of the into the alchemiter itself.

You captchalogue the whole thing, just to get the code for the UNIFIED ALCHEMATRIX.

CAPTCHALOGUE CARD && ENIAC MACHINE = CAPTCHACODE CALCULATOR

BRIEFCASE || UNIFIED ALCHEMATRIX = CARRY-ON FABRICATOR Just load in the punched card and create the item, just like that! No cruxite or totems or anything. It even has jumper slots for upgrades! The best part, though, is that it fits right into a briefcase for easy portability. The one drawback is that it can't make large objects, but you know that can be remedied.

You load in the LAPTOP, CAPTCHACODE CALCULATOR, CAMERA, and MICROSCOPE cards into the jumper. Now you can use the search function, easily combine items and preview what they'll make, and scale up or down the item's size.

You get tired of the honking. You release the IMITATION GOOSE outside. It flies away with its idiot wings.

Sure is boring here.

You break out a BOTTLE OF WINE from a cabinet and pour yourself a glass. You sit down at your piano, take a sip, and start playing.

As you pick up the tempo, the Deadlands Gate begins to rattle. The piano is creating a clattering throughout your house, like hitting hollow stones together.

The membrane in the Deadlands Gate breaches, a skeleton dressed in orange pants, a hide jacket, and roller skates tumbles in.

You lie on the floor, piano notes vibrating your skull.

You stop playing.

You sit up, looking around. Your eyes land on Elias.

You sit for a moment, then click on a switch on your glasses.

The thought "sup" is beamed into your brain.

You clear your throat.

You dump out 3 skulls from your sylladex.

ADDISON, LAWRENCE, and ESTES tumble out onto the floor. They are all just skulls.

You pick up Lawrence, Estes, and Addison. You set them on the couch and sit down on it yourself.

You're holding the bottle, but you're unsure what to do with it.

You take your head off and flip it upside down, making it into a cup.

You pour a bit into each of their skulls, sip your own glass, and sit down to play a tune.

As you do, you sing along.

ELIAS, ROSCOE, ESTES, ADDISON, LAWRENCE: Jam.

Eventually, you finish. Some mental congratulations from the skeletons follows, and you're given an idea.

After clearing things up, how the session doomed the Earth and how their game did the same and they had to get out because they couldn’t beat it nonviolently, you all got back to jamming.

Elias on the saxophone, Roscoe on the guitar, the three skulls working together on the drums, you bust it the fuck down.

You lie down on the ground and lift your head off of your torso.

You captchalogue it.

SKELETON && THINKIE TALKIE = MIND OVER MECHA A fucking sick looking robotic skeleton body. You make 2 more.

You set up Estes, Addison, and Lawrence on top of these.

The three newly-rebodied skeletons test out the movements, then equip their god-tier robes.

ETHER SPECTACLES && THINKIE TALKIE && DOUCHE OF ICE'S BONE = COLD SCIENTIFIC ANALYZERS Some very professional glasses just BEGGING to oversee an unethical experiment or 007. Good for using a computer with your mind or controlling small amounts of ice.

PENNY PINCHER && OVERGROWN ROSES = GREEN GRABBY GLOVES GREEN GRABBY GLOVES || COLD SCIENTIFIC ANALYZERS = DOUBLETHINK BANDIT'S MASK ÉTAPLES UNDERSHIRT && DOUBLETHINK BANDIT'S MASK = PLAGIARIZED CHERUBIM GARMENT

You'll hold off on that dark green getup for another day.

You take out the transportalizer you alchemized, plug it in, and wire in the coordinates Cecelia gave you.

You step onto the pad and disappear.

You reappear, then rewire the transportalizer.

You step onto the transportalizer again.

You put your arms out, for a special Revanite group interaction known as a "bone-up wraparound."

Bone-up wraparound x4 combo!

The four skeletons step onto the transportalizer one by one.

You're back, you rifle through your shelf of VHS tapes.

The Twilight Zone, season 1. You grab it as well as your VHS player, just in case.

You teleport back.